Being taken away from a sport that forms your whole identity is not talked about enough. From dancing 20+ hours a week to none.
Most of my life has revolved around dancing since the age of three. I’ve had a few injuries here and there that require me to sit out for a week or so, but not one that has kept me out of dance for over a month like this one. Who knew that one random Sunday afternoon would change everything. It has changed the way I function day to day and the things I would regularly do. Dec. 7, around 3 p.m., is the day it all changed for me. I dislocated my kneecap and felt instant pain. The afternoon this all happened felt like a nightmare. I was scared and worried about what the next steps would be. My first question was, “How am I going to dance?”
My senior year of sports feels like it’s being ripped away from me. My last performances are gone, not able to go back. The hard work and hours of dedication I put into these things are all thrown away. The following weekend of my injury, I had a big performance, the Nutcracker. I prepared for months for this performance and worked so hard on perfecting things. I remember that week praying and hoping for a miracle to happen. Wishing that I could just do anything to go back. I ended up having to sit there and watch the show. My stomach twisted, and my eyes glistened in the lights as I watched.
My second doctor visit came around, and I scheduled my MRI. I waited anxiously for my results for what seemed like forever. In this time of waiting to find out what was wrong with my knee, I missed so many things: Nutcracker, basketball performances, all my weekly practices, competition rehearsals, and so much more. I don’t want my friends to be sad for me. I try to keep a smile on my face around them, while I sit in practices that I should be a part of. I sit there and feel guilty for getting injured, like I did something wrong. My stomach turns, and I get so anxious. Waiting and waiting for my knee to heal.
The results finally come around, because of my knee-cap dislocation, I partially tore my MPFL ligament, which is the ligament keeping your knee cap in place, and I also bruised some bones in the area. We also found out that the groove my knee sits in is very shallow, making it more prone to me to dislocate my kneecap again. Hearing this news made my stomach drop. I decided not get surgery, hoping for a faster healing time, and try to heal by doing physical therapy. It has already been a month since the injury, and hearing this news, they say that while doing these exercises, I should be able to hopefully ease back into dancing after 2 weeks. It has been a week since then, and I still feel like I’m behind. Like it won’t ever get better. This makes my heart ache so much. I wish I could do anything to go back to functioning normally.
Now, as I sit here praying for it to get better, I worry about going back and having to get surgery. I feel empty. My senior year of dance is being taken away piece by piece. Worrying about my future pathway in dance. Learning a big lesson of not taking things for granted ever. You never know when it could be your last time doing something. Thats something hard to remember and to comprehend, until it’s taken away from you. All those times saying “I wish I could have a break,” or “I don’t wanna go to practice,” I just want to take back. This is not the break I wanted. An injury that requires you to be taken out of your sport you love most mid-season, senior year, is something I would never wish upon anyone and never imagine it being me.
