Friends come and go, and losing a friend or even a best friend isn’t easy; no one prepares you to lose a platonic soulmate. A friendship loss that scarred me for life. I will forever cherish the bittersweet moments is just a memory hidden behind several walls.
Johnna Mae Hulett passed away on July 19th, 2025, after a courageous battle with leukemia. After her passing, I cried for several weeks.
Why was my time with Johnna cut short? Johnna and I met in 8th grade.
I still remember the first day she came to our school, she had the most beautiful long black hair. She was shy at first, and we never really talked, but once we got to our jazz band class, where she played flute and I played clarinet, we immediately started talking away like we had been old friends catching up.
From that day forward, we promised to be each other’s best friends, and we were till the very end. Johnna was the funniest and most alive person I knew; she always brought a smile to everyone she encountered. But Johnna never cared about what others thought of her.
I just wish everyone got the chance to know her. She had the biggest heart for everyone around her and always saw the good in everyone, even if they didn’t accept her. They never gave her a chance to show who she truly was. That’s what made Johnna special.
We hung out every day, going to band concerts or having sleepover parties at my house. When we were in a room together, no one could tell us to be quiet.
We told each other every aspect of our lives, whether it was good or bad, and I think that’s the beautiful thing about best friends: they don’t judge you.
Johnna never judged me, even if she thought I was wrong. That’s something I miss about having a best friend. I never came second to Johnna; she always put me first. I wish I had the chance to thank her or even tell her how much she meant to me. Now, without her, I come second to everyone, forever begging for her to come back.
Long in-person conversations became texting weekly, then monthly texts. Johnna had no strength to text or get out of bed; she stayed at the hospital several months at a time, yet she still wanted to know all the school drama of who said what.
I enjoyed those moments, but I just wish they could’ve been in-person conversations followed by hours of laughter, yet she was too weak.
We texted each other during chemo treatments, not once did Johnna frown, no matter how much pain she was feeling she never let that stop her from smiling.
We never talked about death, we both believed she would make it through this, til she lost her battle. I never got the chance to say goodbye or have one last conversation with her.
I found out she had passed a week later from her boyfriend. I will forever miss our late-night conversations and the daily videos she would send me. I’ll miss her favorite word, “right,” after every sentence she said. I miss the way she would shout my name and run to me when she saw me. The matching bracelets we once wore every day now sit on her dresser waiting to be worn again, yet mine stays on.
My biggest regret will always be never seeing her at the hospital when she needed me most. I regret agreeing with her when she said, “I’m just scared if I were to have visitors like my friends, and the same day they’re here, I end up going through something traumatic.”
She was protecting me, but I will never forgive myself for not seeing my best friend. I will always love you, Johnna Mae.
